Quarantine Depression
This time in our history is no joke. It is intense. It very much reminds me of being on a meditation retreat where you remove yourself from all your normal comforts and distractions and consciously face yourself for hours a day on the meditation cushion. And most of the time, meditation retreats suck in a way. They are hard and a lot of pain can come up that you just don’t have the space for in your everyday life.
In this case, however, we didn’t sign up for this and many of us are trying to numb ourselves through it with endless Netflix, drinking, eating so so much, or just ignoring what’s arising. The thing is…
It will only work for so long before the cracks start to show up because we are in it...we don’t have our usual distractions to keep it all at bay. Sure, some people will be able to make it through May without going deep within…But if you’re reading this, you are probably not that person. Maybe for you it starts by an agitation that needs a source or a landing spot, so you pick a fight and project the feeling outward. Perhaps your relationships are already feeling frayed at this point. Or the emotion quickly turns back on you and you start thinking about how big of a failure you are. Or you eat a pint of ice cream and then beat yourself up about it and just numb out on the sofa with instagram trying to ignore all of your negative thoughts about yourself.
Or maybe it is showing up as a heaviness and a depression that nothing seems to help and you can’t quite identify. Or you feel angry and disappointed. Or maybe you are afraid of the unknown and you wake up with dread and despair. However it’s showing up for you, the antidote is to cultivate a kind awareness toward it.
Sit down somewhere quiet and start by focusing on your breathing. Breath in and out and repeat “Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out.” This helps ground your nervous system and stabilizes you. And then just start to become curious about what is happening within you. Ask yourself questions- What is this? What does it feel like in your body? Is it hot, cold, grey, black, muddy. Just describe it to yourself through your felt sense. Don’t let your mind get too involved…we are trying to FEEL it. And then see if you can become a wide open space for it. Let it in. Breathe it in. You have enough awareness inside to hold it. It will not kill you.
Begin to cultivate kindness toward the feeling. Give it some understanding. Self talk is really powerful for this…I know some of you may read this and think it’s crazy or absurd to do, but try it. Especially if you are in a dark place- what do you have to lose? Say to yourself things like: I know this is really hard right now, but I’m right here with you, you’re going to be ok, I love you. Put your hand to your heart and soften around it. Breathe. Soften. Allow. This is how you alchemize and integrate emotion- by paying attention to it…listen with your whole body. These feelings are coming up for a reason, and it’s unhelpful to push them away and ignore them or think that you shouldn’t feel this way. Trust me, those emotions are not going anywhere. The only way out is through, as they say.
You have the capacity right now to transform yourself. I’m not saying it’s easy, but running away will only keep you stuck, and you deserve to be free. You have all you need to integrate these heavy feelings…and you have plenty of time right now. Trust yourself to go inward. The rewards are immeasurable.
If you feel like you could use some help, breathwork is a powerful tool to move through emotional content. Email me. I would love to be of service to you.